Sunday (Evening): As we reached
the parking of our new abode in a new neighbourhood in a new city, my husband
trying to fetch some smile on my gruesome face squeaked, “My lady, here is our
new residence (pointing towards a twin-three floor building). I know you are
not at all in love with this place, but try to blend in with an open mind and
may be you will start liking it." Brushing him off, I stepped out of the
car and splash........ Bloody hell! My new golden flats were submerged in ankle
length pool created by the rain god in the parking lot. My hubby with his usual
smirking attitude blurted “Ahh..... Hospitality custom of ancient
civilizations." He stopped short before
completing the next sentence, as I gave him a cursory glance, “Even in bible it
is mentioned that Jesus washed the disciple’s feet before ...... laaasttt......
supp....errrr.”
Monday (Morning) - I was busy unloading the craters of cargo which looked akin to young mountains marred with landslides and deep gorges, dumped by our packers and movers, when the doorbell rings and I wish it’s our new maid but alas instead, I rather found myself gaping at a corpulent lady, in her late 40s, dressed in fitted kurta which showed her saggy bosoms and lazy bums in all elegance, an attire can muster upon. Before I could complete my benign (....almost) check out, she spoke giving a cussed look to my spaghetti top and smiling in between without even stopping for once, "Hello ji, Namaste, I am Geeta -your neighbour-living in flat across yours-I hope you guys are not facing any problem here- Food is readily available in the guest house nearby at reasonable price-For water there are already RO’s fitted in all kitchen flats- If you need anything else let me know."
I could not help but smile back in response before she again said, “I am sure you must be feeling alone here. Ladies of the society gather every evening to have chit-chat in the park, you should join us sometime and I will introduce you to all the neighbours." Since I was wary of cleaning the house filled with lizard and rat poops, I asked my accommodating neighbour, “Aunty Ji, can you help me arrange a maid for my home." Her facial expressions somewhat changed but she readily agreed to send her house maid from day after tomorrow. As she was leaving, I could not decide whether to say bye or Namaste, in confusion I did both and she responded with her plus size smile, giving another awkward glance, this time to my shorts.
Tuesday (Evening) - Running out of monthly ration, I decided to visit the departmental store nearby to buy upon some items. Moving towards the parking space, busy in memorizing my home wishlist, I heard some husky voice grumbling ‘hello ji- hello ji-suniye’, ignoring which I hurried towards my car. Suddenly the voice became clearer and I turned back in time to my see my plus size neighbour running like Charlie Chaplin taking a walk towards me. She was literally out of puff, even before she reached me and I had to hold her as she gasped for breath. I thought there is some medical emergency and she needs help. Concerned, I asked, “Are you okk Aunty Ji?"
Again her expressions changed, panting out of my hold and straightening her entire frame, she managed a smile and said, “I am ok. I am just out of gas....Sorry I mean out of breathe-Ooops-(her whole body shaking as she guffawed) I have been suffering from gas for years-you see it’s in my family genes-so it comes on my lips naturally. By the way, I was hoping to introduce you to the entire neighbourhood ladies- Come on- They are sitting in the park- come come." Without any chance to protest, I submissively followed her in the Park with a board named Green Park.
Soon after reaching the small army of ladies, camping in the Green Park, I was introduced to hoards of ladies named Mrs. Sharma (in her 50s), Mrs. Karmarkar (in late 30s), Mrs Seth (40s), Mrs Singh, Mrs Roy..... ‘Oh boy.... I am getting late’ (my mind mumbled). As soon as my gasturdating neighbour discontinued I said, “Namaste everyone. It was nice meeting you guys. I hope we will have great time together. And now, if you will excuse me Aunty Ji (addressing my gastric neighbour); I have to rush to market to buy some house items. We will spend some more time together next time and I hope you people don’t mind.” All the ladies gave me an expressionless expression, Geeta ji's face almost looked like she just had an ass blast (urrghhhh), hard to interpret, I said bye and hurried towards my destination.
Wednesday (late morning) - Alone, I was watching Game of Thrones, and a raven flew in Winterfell delivering summon from King’s Landing, my doorbell pinged again for the third time in a row. I pushed myself and opened the door to a dusky lady in her mid 40s. She introduced herself as Sandeshi and told me she works at Geeta Ji’s place. I was hell relieved to watch my new maid gorging upon the platter of dust and dirt waiting for her. While working she chatted relentlessly, “Pandey memsaab (Gastric Geeta) keeps her both ACs working entire day- she has two sons and she is looking for a suitable bride for her elder son- Mrs Roy is Bengali- she even knows jadu tona-Mr Seth and Mrs Seth fight a lot on daily basis.............rrddppppqq.” After completing her news bulletin and share of chores, she came upto me and said, “I hope you like my work memsaab. You don’t have any baua madam?" I replied, “What’s baua." She explained, it means ‘bacha log’ and hiding my hideous emotions, I smirkly said “No."
She then said, “Memsaab there is one more thing. Geeta madam told me to ask you not to call her and other ladies in society Aunty. You can either call them didi or bhabhi. That’s it”. After delivering summon, as the raven flew back to King’s Landing in the ongoing episode, my maid too left for her landing. I was unable to make out anything. But I felt really happy to know that in our country people are more conscious of their age and titles than their laws, rights and duties. As I narrated the entire episode to the man of my house, his smart mouth said, “You woman make flimsy issues. I told you to just blend in. When in Rome, do as Romans do. Simple.”
The other day Geeta Ji and her gang bumped into me in a neighbourhood puja, I made sure to address them as ‘Madam’. It has to be ‘Madam’ because they neither resembled like my bhabi (in her mid 20s) nor they looked like my elder sister. Although partially, still they all seemed to be quiet amused. Geeta Ji was so happy that her face started giving off constipated look and I had to ask her again, “Are you ok Madam?" Concealing her rejoice, she said “Nothing it’s my gas problem, you see dear.Cannot help it." And I felt like saying, "Aunty Ji... Aunty Ji....Come on let's dance... that will give an outlet to your gas tunnels."
Thursday (Morning): As me and my man were coming from our morning walk through the glorious Green Park, as part of our mission to lose some pounds, a ball landed just in front of me and I kicked back the ball to the shoal of kids hovering in the park. One of the kids in his early teenage came to me and said in an ingratiating manner, “Thank you aunty.” Suddenly, my own face experienced a change of expressions. And of course, my husband had a great-great laugh.
So, when Sandeshi (By default-Raven) was done with her headlines and daily chores, I asked her to carry a sandesh for Geeta Mam and her group to ask their kids to stop calling me aunty and they have only one option to call me- by my name. And I also told her to quote that, “It’s not that I have any issues with the word Aunty but I don’t want to go against tradition of the housing complex. So it is in best interest they call me by my name. That’s it.” To this my otherwise newspaper drowned husband, kept his newspaper down and said, “What was that” and this time my smart mouth smilingly said, “Just blending in- Roman spirit.....you see." Further, I reminded him of one of the great commandments of Bible 'Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself .'
Monday (Morning) - I was busy unloading the craters of cargo which looked akin to young mountains marred with landslides and deep gorges, dumped by our packers and movers, when the doorbell rings and I wish it’s our new maid but alas instead, I rather found myself gaping at a corpulent lady, in her late 40s, dressed in fitted kurta which showed her saggy bosoms and lazy bums in all elegance, an attire can muster upon. Before I could complete my benign (....almost) check out, she spoke giving a cussed look to my spaghetti top and smiling in between without even stopping for once, "Hello ji, Namaste, I am Geeta -your neighbour-living in flat across yours-I hope you guys are not facing any problem here- Food is readily available in the guest house nearby at reasonable price-For water there are already RO’s fitted in all kitchen flats- If you need anything else let me know."
I could not help but smile back in response before she again said, “I am sure you must be feeling alone here. Ladies of the society gather every evening to have chit-chat in the park, you should join us sometime and I will introduce you to all the neighbours." Since I was wary of cleaning the house filled with lizard and rat poops, I asked my accommodating neighbour, “Aunty Ji, can you help me arrange a maid for my home." Her facial expressions somewhat changed but she readily agreed to send her house maid from day after tomorrow. As she was leaving, I could not decide whether to say bye or Namaste, in confusion I did both and she responded with her plus size smile, giving another awkward glance, this time to my shorts.
Tuesday (Evening) - Running out of monthly ration, I decided to visit the departmental store nearby to buy upon some items. Moving towards the parking space, busy in memorizing my home wishlist, I heard some husky voice grumbling ‘hello ji- hello ji-suniye’, ignoring which I hurried towards my car. Suddenly the voice became clearer and I turned back in time to my see my plus size neighbour running like Charlie Chaplin taking a walk towards me. She was literally out of puff, even before she reached me and I had to hold her as she gasped for breath. I thought there is some medical emergency and she needs help. Concerned, I asked, “Are you okk Aunty Ji?"
Again her expressions changed, panting out of my hold and straightening her entire frame, she managed a smile and said, “I am ok. I am just out of gas....Sorry I mean out of breathe-Ooops-(her whole body shaking as she guffawed) I have been suffering from gas for years-you see it’s in my family genes-so it comes on my lips naturally. By the way, I was hoping to introduce you to the entire neighbourhood ladies- Come on- They are sitting in the park- come come." Without any chance to protest, I submissively followed her in the Park with a board named Green Park.
Soon after reaching the small army of ladies, camping in the Green Park, I was introduced to hoards of ladies named Mrs. Sharma (in her 50s), Mrs. Karmarkar (in late 30s), Mrs Seth (40s), Mrs Singh, Mrs Roy..... ‘Oh boy.... I am getting late’ (my mind mumbled). As soon as my gasturdating neighbour discontinued I said, “Namaste everyone. It was nice meeting you guys. I hope we will have great time together. And now, if you will excuse me Aunty Ji (addressing my gastric neighbour); I have to rush to market to buy some house items. We will spend some more time together next time and I hope you people don’t mind.” All the ladies gave me an expressionless expression, Geeta ji's face almost looked like she just had an ass blast (urrghhhh), hard to interpret, I said bye and hurried towards my destination.
Wednesday (late morning) - Alone, I was watching Game of Thrones, and a raven flew in Winterfell delivering summon from King’s Landing, my doorbell pinged again for the third time in a row. I pushed myself and opened the door to a dusky lady in her mid 40s. She introduced herself as Sandeshi and told me she works at Geeta Ji’s place. I was hell relieved to watch my new maid gorging upon the platter of dust and dirt waiting for her. While working she chatted relentlessly, “Pandey memsaab (Gastric Geeta) keeps her both ACs working entire day- she has two sons and she is looking for a suitable bride for her elder son- Mrs Roy is Bengali- she even knows jadu tona-Mr Seth and Mrs Seth fight a lot on daily basis.............rrddppppqq.” After completing her news bulletin and share of chores, she came upto me and said, “I hope you like my work memsaab. You don’t have any baua madam?" I replied, “What’s baua." She explained, it means ‘bacha log’ and hiding my hideous emotions, I smirkly said “No."
She then said, “Memsaab there is one more thing. Geeta madam told me to ask you not to call her and other ladies in society Aunty. You can either call them didi or bhabhi. That’s it”. After delivering summon, as the raven flew back to King’s Landing in the ongoing episode, my maid too left for her landing. I was unable to make out anything. But I felt really happy to know that in our country people are more conscious of their age and titles than their laws, rights and duties. As I narrated the entire episode to the man of my house, his smart mouth said, “You woman make flimsy issues. I told you to just blend in. When in Rome, do as Romans do. Simple.”
The other day Geeta Ji and her gang bumped into me in a neighbourhood puja, I made sure to address them as ‘Madam’. It has to be ‘Madam’ because they neither resembled like my bhabi (in her mid 20s) nor they looked like my elder sister. Although partially, still they all seemed to be quiet amused. Geeta Ji was so happy that her face started giving off constipated look and I had to ask her again, “Are you ok Madam?" Concealing her rejoice, she said “Nothing it’s my gas problem, you see dear.Cannot help it." And I felt like saying, "Aunty Ji... Aunty Ji....Come on let's dance... that will give an outlet to your gas tunnels."
Thursday (Morning): As me and my man were coming from our morning walk through the glorious Green Park, as part of our mission to lose some pounds, a ball landed just in front of me and I kicked back the ball to the shoal of kids hovering in the park. One of the kids in his early teenage came to me and said in an ingratiating manner, “Thank you aunty.” Suddenly, my own face experienced a change of expressions. And of course, my husband had a great-great laugh.
So, when Sandeshi (By default-Raven) was done with her headlines and daily chores, I asked her to carry a sandesh for Geeta Mam and her group to ask their kids to stop calling me aunty and they have only one option to call me- by my name. And I also told her to quote that, “It’s not that I have any issues with the word Aunty but I don’t want to go against tradition of the housing complex. So it is in best interest they call me by my name. That’s it.” To this my otherwise newspaper drowned husband, kept his newspaper down and said, “What was that” and this time my smart mouth smilingly said, “Just blending in- Roman spirit.....you see." Further, I reminded him of one of the great commandments of Bible 'Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself .'
