WHAT HAPPENS AT NEW YEAR PARTY?

Tinkling and sparkling glasses of champagne, party poppers and fireworks on our dream holiday destinations- that’s how we want to do it. But that is not the way it happens. Instead it is that time of year again when you get invited to your society parties which you detest by heart but since you don’t have any other option you decide to go for it. That community hall which you swore not to visit next time every time you step-in comes in as your saviour like eno for that flatulence loaded bloated stomach. Let’s see what actually happens in those typical desi New Year eve’s party:-

1. You get served what you paid for. You want to have those grilled mushrooms and tikkas instead you get samosa, bhajia and chai

2. While you want to scrubb off those screwy starters from your mind and are looking out for that glass of wine but you realize you are in dry state.

3.  Still, you are positive and want to have some delightful conversations when the lady sitting beside you pokes another lady and asks, “Aajkal matar ka bhaw kya chal raha hai.”

4. Next, you turn to DJ wale bhaiyaa for solace but he starts spinning numbers for society kids like “hum bhi agar bache hote, nam hamara hota dabloo babloo………….”

5. You feel like you have been on trekking expedition and as soon as you reach foothills, you realize that you forgot to bring underwear and toiletries. You know you are doomed…!!

6. The last blow that was awaiting you comes when you have to dance with those sabji conscious ladies chattering about their kamwalis and men doing weird dancing stuffs. You can just say “hayee main marr jawan.”

7.   You swore again not to be there for next year celebration but deep down you know, you will be back to square one. Now, we know what it feels like paying for your past lives mistakes.

P.S:- No characters in this work are fictious. Any resemblance to any living person is purely not coincidental.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!

BUCK AND BUTT!!

After the big bang demonetisation two friends meet up in the same bank.

RAM- Aur bhaiwya, what’s up? What are you doing here?

SHYAM- Are bhai the same thing that entire nation is busy doing, exchanging bucks and roasting butts.

Another man standing beside them guffawed as though Shyam told him a really funny joke.

THIRD MAN (placing a pinch of tambaku between his cheeks and gum) – But this gujju must be appreciated for bringing us back in queues which was otherwise an unknown phenomenon. I have been part of this queue-queue for last five days and as soon as I am about to reach Madam ji on the counter gives me an out of order look. Ka karba paiswa chahi ta linewa me laghi ki padi.

In the parallel line, a man with muffler is standing and listening intently, decides to intervene.

FOURTH MAN (man with the muffler) - Do you know who is an Aam Aadmi? Anyone who is tired of this corrupt system is an Aam Aadmi. I was reading more than dozen people were dancing in crushing queues of banks after they could not exchange their money. Where did all the money go? The Aam Aadmi wants to know.

SHYAM- Ee ka, atna thanda ta naikhey bhai ki muffler bandhle hawa. Is there any problem?

FOURTH MAN- Muffler is so cool that we need it in summer too. Also, it helps in bluffing people. Even Emirates Airhostesses carry it all the time. 

RAM- I don’t know, what you want to do?

FOURTH MAN - The fact is yaar that I am suffering from Sinusitis (wipes tears in dramatic manner). I am not here to do any politics. Whatever I am saying today is not against any party or person but it’s horrifying to stand in queues. The road to truth is not easy but full of thorns. I just want to be the first in line. Sir please help, please help na!!

THIRD MAN- Burbak samjhela ka ho. Chup chap khada raha nahin to bank me agla din se ghuse nahin dem.

Suddenly there is breakdown of not so peaceful spirit in the bank. A bank official starts yelling at a shabby looking man for carrying bogus notes in denomination of 1000’s. Man was clearly at loss of words. He looked like a kid who had just been caught hiding in garage after stealing.

RAM (humming)- Ara hile, chapra hile, pura desh hile aur jali note hilela. This entire process has given back burns to entire nation. I hope we survive the cash crash. It is a good attempt by Modi to get his passing marks for next general elections, not to forget that nation building and stuff.

SHYAM- I am all eyes to see me new bucks today. Because of all this big buck game I have not been able to take my girlfriend for movie. She wants to watch Fantastic Beasts and where to find them tomorrow.

RAM- Why go to a multiplex when you can find all kind of beasts on news channels huffing and puffing like slytherin in parliament all the times. That’s a fantastic big buck game.