“Judgemental
is not stating an opinion or even labelling something as “good” or “bad”. Being
judgemental is when based on one quality of someone or something you conclude
about his whole nature, about all his other qualities. You judge his wholeness
based on one aspect.”
The other day my maid
busted into the house with a miffed face patently lacking her usual chirpiness;
I enquired her about her state of nature since three days “Ki hoyechhe masi??” (What
happened masi?). She retorted back “Kichu
na” (Nothing). But I continued coaxing her and finally she answered. She
confessed to me that her sister’s only grandchild has turned up to be an
abnormal being because of some kala jadu tona done by their jealous
neighbour. The family discovered after 7 years that their only grandson belongs
to third sex and everyone is so bloody upset about it. His mother cries entire
day and his father was so devastated that he refuses to return back home. She
also told me that his sister’s family is thinking of handing over their only
grandson to ‘hijra community’. I was horrified to hear this but still keeping
that feeling aside, I expressed my disagreement with the decision of handing
over the child to a particular community. To this she answered in her Bengali-Hindi
dialect, “ek hi to bacha tha unka, jisse
sara umeed tha. Unka sari umeedo pe pani phir gaya. Uska papa ladka ko police
officer banana chahta tha par ab....(crying). Itna pyara tha bacha.... par ab
uska kya zindagi hoga.... koi izzat nahin milega....samaj me beadnami
hoga......hijra logon ke saath hi bitega pura zindagi”. Again suppressing my
disgust I said “I can understand that he is not male or female but he belongs
to third sex and that is totally human. Even SC (Supreme Court) recognizes the
existence of third gender and nobody has any right to stop that kid from
reaching any position or profession, if he gets good education and guidance’’. To
this she replied “Ye sab baat kitab me acha
lagta hai asli zindagi me nai”. She returned to her usual core and I switched
on my laptop, digged out a helpline number of LGBT community. I asked my maid
to take that number and persuade family members to call on this number just
once before reaching any decision.
She went away, leaving
me in sea of emotions. However, I may try; I could not keep my mind from
sharing the plight of that seven year old kid. I was more alarmed by the fact
that how the family can come to a conclusion that kid has no future but to be part
of a transgender community. Although transgender community is gaining
recognition in various fields like Kalki Subramaniam is India’s first transgender
entrepreneur, Madhu Kinnar is India’s first transgender mayor from Riagarh etc
but at the same time we cannot ignore the fact that third sex is still seen as
low-life in our society. We adopt and love pets irrespective or unaware of the
fact that they may be homosexual or transsexual but we cannot love and respect
a human who is not male or female but a third sex. So, I think the issue is not
transgender or bi-sexuality or LGBT community but our ill-coated minds loaded
with hollow mind-sets that carry sagacity of culture and tradition which we
have tailored according to our convenience. This same mind has courtroom where
we are ultimate Lord of Justice taking suo
moto cognizance and passing judgement landmark in our own way.
“It is said never judge
a book by its cover, but it has never been said never judge a Human by his
gender.”
This reminds me of
lines from the novel ‘Alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho “The whole world seems to have
very clear idea of how other should live their lives but they haven’t a clue
how to live their own.” We, humans are so
good at reaching conclusions, based on our self made judgement and still would
never admit that we are judgemental.
Even before the bride
steps in her in-laws family members would have their own opinions “Ladki post graduate or working hai tez to
hogi hi”
“Love
marriage kar raha hai beta. Nahi mante to kya hi karte? Humara ladka phas gaya
ladki ke chakkar me”
“Maine
bhabhi ki facebook profile dekhi hai, sari pics western dresses me hi hain.” sister-in-law
(who if given an opportunity would love to live her entire life in hotpants or
mini skirts).
“Bahu
ki lagam zara kas ke rakhna, aaj kal ki ladkiyan ate hi pati ko apne bas me kar
leti hain”
And
what not.......??
On other hand there is saying
“Sari umar bhi kam kam pad jati hai kisi ko samajhne me” (Even a lifetime is
less to understand somebody). These people who have not even lived one day with
their bride to be suddenly become panel experts in judging her nature,
behaviour and even character. Just because you son is going for a love marriage
or because girl is modern in her attire, that doesn’t mean she would make a
bahu like ‘Cruella’ (western version of Shashikala or Lalita Pawar). Similarly,
a thief may be involved in crime, but that doesn’t means he is a bad human being,
his life-situations may have turned him into criminal. If a woman is divorcee,
that doesn’t means she is not a family woman, maybe she just never met the
right family. The reserved woman in your society, who hardly says hi to you and
seems to be arrogant, may be going through depression. Just because you are Hindu,
you are not superior to other religions. We judge everyone and anything right
from our life partners, our friends, our teachers, our bosses, movies,
paintings, laughter videos (pun intended) and even court judgements, before
having even a look in our backyard rotting with our misdeeds. It is not that
only Indians are judgemental, every society is but we just over do it.
“Don’t judge someone
because they sin differently than you”
We all have our
moments of desperation and that is when sin is in but we would never accept the
fact that we are sinners. We should understand difference between opinion and passing
judgement. We are part of free society, we have freedom to express our views
but let’s leave the responsibility of judgement to courts or tribunals rather
making our life a courtroom, where we are constantly judging people. I am sure even
most gruelling issues like Indo-Pak relations, Israel-Palestine relations,
Somali Civil War and even Terrorism, can be solved if we stop being judgemental.
Only thing that is required is ability to step into someone else’s shoes. Even
BJP would have won Delhi election’, if it would have stopped being judgemental about Arvind Kejriwal. Let
us stop sitting on our high horses and judging everyone. Once we bring an end
to the courtroom in our mind, we would experience spas in own bathroom with
geyser, meditation would become easier, Art of Living experience will be at
home, world would be a better place to live, relation would become more
agreeable and life would be more welcoming. Not being judgemental will not make
you less opinionated or spineless, just a better person. I know it’s
difficult........ But just try......Once.....!!!
We must remember that
we all live in glass houses and no one has clean window.
